Relationships... Music video ~A moment in heaven ~utube
"Trying to blow out another's candle
will never make our own glow brighter"
The Hard Work of Getting Along...
Let's not even try to pretend it's easy. Or that we should simply press through,
or shake it off, or "let it slide." Perhaps, if we can just allow ourselves to set aside those silly notions,
we can get to the other side in one piece. Because being hurt hurts. Plain and simple.
Here's the thing: there are no perfect people. Not even in community.
We - the imperfect - worship together, and we serve together.
We share recipes and grocery shopping tips.
We help each other move, and we pick up each other's children from school.
We share our dreams and we confess our failures.
We bake and deliver casseroles, and we wait and pray with each other in hospital emergency rooms.
It is a beautiful thing.
Until it isn't.
But then, what I am supposed to do is this...
You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results
only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other,
treating each other with dignity and honor. James 3:18 MSG
Yeah. Let's not even try to pretend it's easy. Community isn't always easy.
But it's worth it. Community is definitely worth it.
- Excerpt by Deidra Riggs from (in)courage
CLICK HERE to read the entire story on (in)courage.
A Promise of Friendship
In this place, we kneel down beside you.
In this place, we reach out our hands.
In this place, can you hear us whisper?
"You have been hurt. We can see the pain in your eyes--
We offer you a promise of friendship."
- Ann Voskamp, (in)courage writer
We have spoken freely to you, and opened wide our hearts to you.
2 Corinthians 6:11
Jesus is Our Only Source
Will you pray?
Jesus, please wash away my hurt. I know that your community is supposed to be a love body...
that always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
Will you give me courage to seek out friendships, and will you give me friends who will love me like you do?
Will you teach me how to be the friend I know someone else needs?
I believe I am created for community and that you will bless my steps to seek it out.
Please lead me into a season of sweet friendship. And heal my aching heart.
Amen.
- Excerpt from the (in)RL DVDs & Study Booklet
CLICK HERE to find (in)RL Resources for communicating your heart for friends, community and Jesus.
We invite you to continue to join us in the journey as we share and explore
how to walk in community that God desires.
will never make our own glow brighter"
The Hard Work of Getting Along...
Let's not even try to pretend it's easy. Or that we should simply press through,
or shake it off, or "let it slide." Perhaps, if we can just allow ourselves to set aside those silly notions,
we can get to the other side in one piece. Because being hurt hurts. Plain and simple.
Here's the thing: there are no perfect people. Not even in community.
We - the imperfect - worship together, and we serve together.
We share recipes and grocery shopping tips.
We help each other move, and we pick up each other's children from school.
We share our dreams and we confess our failures.
We bake and deliver casseroles, and we wait and pray with each other in hospital emergency rooms.
It is a beautiful thing.
Until it isn't.
But then, what I am supposed to do is this...
You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results
only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other,
treating each other with dignity and honor. James 3:18 MSG
Yeah. Let's not even try to pretend it's easy. Community isn't always easy.
But it's worth it. Community is definitely worth it.
- Excerpt by Deidra Riggs from (in)courage
CLICK HERE to read the entire story on (in)courage.
A Promise of Friendship
In this place, we kneel down beside you.
In this place, we reach out our hands.
In this place, can you hear us whisper?
"You have been hurt. We can see the pain in your eyes--
We offer you a promise of friendship."
- Ann Voskamp, (in)courage writer
We have spoken freely to you, and opened wide our hearts to you.
2 Corinthians 6:11
Jesus is Our Only Source
Will you pray?
Jesus, please wash away my hurt. I know that your community is supposed to be a love body...
that always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
Will you give me courage to seek out friendships, and will you give me friends who will love me like you do?
Will you teach me how to be the friend I know someone else needs?
I believe I am created for community and that you will bless my steps to seek it out.
Please lead me into a season of sweet friendship. And heal my aching heart.
Amen.
- Excerpt from the (in)RL DVDs & Study Booklet
CLICK HERE to find (in)RL Resources for communicating your heart for friends, community and Jesus.
We invite you to continue to join us in the journey as we share and explore
how to walk in community that God desires.
Being who we are in God, makes us peaceful about who we are, gives us strength,
a settled spirit, a belonging, that guards our being.
If we live as unto Him, He guides us how to react.
Jesus was humble, caring, kind, and was hated without cause,
so being kind doesn't mean we receive kindness in return.
But it never was between them and us but between us and Him.
Kindness can be misinterpreted by one who is used to it only being used for eg manipulation,
so we can but be patient for another to learn our motive - or they will just give up attacking.
I like Mandy's practical tips, -- may take time to work through, but tis good peaceful plan,
( tho lil kids cant know it, school age can hey.)
eg the treasures in those African countries can't use these tips :(
BUT God takes hundreds home to heaven where they belong, safe.
quote Mandy Trouten "That's more or less accurate. You can change how people treat you.
While you cannot always change what people say about you when you're not around,
you have as much a say in how someone behaves in your presence as they have.
How do you stop someone from being unduly rude to you?
1. Live in such a way that they could say every ugly thing they can think of
and it would not be valid.
2. Respond calmly and respectfully when circumstances arise.
This doesn't mean you can't get angry. All the best with that...
Rather, it means that your anger shouldn't equal or surpass your integrity.
When a person can see that they've really hurt/stressed you,
(but you still respond calmly, clearly, and with respect),
they will find themselves unable to adequately insult you.
Whether immediately or over a period of time, they will choose not to even try
because most people prefer to avoid losing battles.
Think about these issues in advance and decide how you will respond when people do you wrong.
When the circumstance comes up and you still find that you can't respond without losing your head,
remain silent while you collect your thoughts, then respond as you decided to.
If the person decides to argue with you and you can see that it's an invalid or otherwise destructive point that doesn't take away from your statement, tell them that you are not interested in arguing the point,
that you have explained everything you needed to say and, if that isn't okay with them, that's fine.
They don't have to like it or like you, but you do expect them to treat you with respect, as you will also treat them with respect.
Then, you pause a moment so it doesn't look like you're running away and walk away
with your head up and your stride confident.
Know who you are and remain consistent in your expectations.
There are some who will keep trying to push you.
If this is at work and the person continues, you should also discuss it with a manager.
Be sure to mention exactly what's going on, how you responded,
and be ready to discuss what you hope to gain from reporting it."
a settled spirit, a belonging, that guards our being.
If we live as unto Him, He guides us how to react.
Jesus was humble, caring, kind, and was hated without cause,
so being kind doesn't mean we receive kindness in return.
But it never was between them and us but between us and Him.
Kindness can be misinterpreted by one who is used to it only being used for eg manipulation,
so we can but be patient for another to learn our motive - or they will just give up attacking.
I like Mandy's practical tips, -- may take time to work through, but tis good peaceful plan,
( tho lil kids cant know it, school age can hey.)
eg the treasures in those African countries can't use these tips :(
BUT God takes hundreds home to heaven where they belong, safe.
quote Mandy Trouten "That's more or less accurate. You can change how people treat you.
While you cannot always change what people say about you when you're not around,
you have as much a say in how someone behaves in your presence as they have.
How do you stop someone from being unduly rude to you?
1. Live in such a way that they could say every ugly thing they can think of
and it would not be valid.
2. Respond calmly and respectfully when circumstances arise.
This doesn't mean you can't get angry. All the best with that...
Rather, it means that your anger shouldn't equal or surpass your integrity.
When a person can see that they've really hurt/stressed you,
(but you still respond calmly, clearly, and with respect),
they will find themselves unable to adequately insult you.
Whether immediately or over a period of time, they will choose not to even try
because most people prefer to avoid losing battles.
Think about these issues in advance and decide how you will respond when people do you wrong.
When the circumstance comes up and you still find that you can't respond without losing your head,
remain silent while you collect your thoughts, then respond as you decided to.
If the person decides to argue with you and you can see that it's an invalid or otherwise destructive point that doesn't take away from your statement, tell them that you are not interested in arguing the point,
that you have explained everything you needed to say and, if that isn't okay with them, that's fine.
They don't have to like it or like you, but you do expect them to treat you with respect, as you will also treat them with respect.
Then, you pause a moment so it doesn't look like you're running away and walk away
with your head up and your stride confident.
Know who you are and remain consistent in your expectations.
There are some who will keep trying to push you.
If this is at work and the person continues, you should also discuss it with a manager.
Be sure to mention exactly what's going on, how you responded,
and be ready to discuss what you hope to gain from reporting it."
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Opening Ourselves to Community
Community is risky. It can cost us in time, in misunderstandings, in hurt and in lost friends.
It can show us parts of ourselves we didn't expect to see.
It can challenge us and it will always change us.
But does that mean we should hide from community?
Is it better to be alone and never misunderstood or do we step out in faith
and open our hearts to the people that Jesus has planted in our lives?
Just Showing Up
We try to make community more complicated than it needs to be.
But really all it means is being there.
Not hiding. Not believing the lie that someone else could do it better.
Not even waiting for someone to reach out to us.
It's just making ourselves available. Being willing to be messy-whether it's our hair or our hearts.
Someone needs you today.
Just as you are.
And maybe all you've got to touch a life is just show up.
Today, tomorrow, the next time the unexpected text comes. You've got more to offer than you realize.
And in community, sometimes it's the small things that make the biggest difference.
How are you showing up for someone else? How has someone else showed up for you?
- Excerpt by Holley Gerth from (in)courage
CLICK HERE to read the entire story and leave a comment on (in)courage.
Things We Try to Hide
So if you are suffering according to God's will, keep doing what is right,
and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you. 1 Peter 4:19
The parts of me I usually like to hide are the very parts where God is working through my life and my story.
- Bonnie Gray, (in)courage writer
CLICK HERE for Are You Open to Community?
Community is risky. It can cost us in time, in misunderstandings, in hurt and in lost friends.
It can show us parts of ourselves we didn't expect to see.
It can challenge us and it will always change us.
But does that mean we should hide from community?
Is it better to be alone and never misunderstood or do we step out in faith
and open our hearts to the people that Jesus has planted in our lives?
Just Showing Up
We try to make community more complicated than it needs to be.
But really all it means is being there.
Not hiding. Not believing the lie that someone else could do it better.
Not even waiting for someone to reach out to us.
It's just making ourselves available. Being willing to be messy-whether it's our hair or our hearts.
Someone needs you today.
Just as you are.
And maybe all you've got to touch a life is just show up.
Today, tomorrow, the next time the unexpected text comes. You've got more to offer than you realize.
And in community, sometimes it's the small things that make the biggest difference.
How are you showing up for someone else? How has someone else showed up for you?
- Excerpt by Holley Gerth from (in)courage
CLICK HERE to read the entire story and leave a comment on (in)courage.
Things We Try to Hide
So if you are suffering according to God's will, keep doing what is right,
and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you. 1 Peter 4:19
The parts of me I usually like to hide are the very parts where God is working through my life and my story.
- Bonnie Gray, (in)courage writer
CLICK HERE for Are You Open to Community?
God Created Us for Community
Whoever said "Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you"
must not have gone to junior high, been a woman or spent time as a blogger.
God created us for community with Himself and others.
It's that ache we feel for friendship, for understanding, for encouragement and fellowship.
You're not alone in your desire not to be alone. We all crave friends.
We all express that need for community in a hundred different ways.
With the (in)RL DVDs & Study Booklets, you can spend time with 17 of the writers from (in)courage who get real honest, gritty, and vulnerable about the ways they've been hurt by community,
how they've fought hard to find their way back into community, how they've been healed by community,
and what suggestions they offer for finding friends right where you are.
CLICK HERE to watch (in)RL excerpts on community,
and get to know the hearts of the women behind (in)courage
We've been wondering how you're doing.
With community and friendship and going out on a limb and into the nitty gritty of connecting with your girl friends. We thought it might be time to pause and compare notes.
What does community mean to you?
Because for me - it's you. The women who share their hard stories.
The women who peel back the layers and answer the door with hair undone.
The women who are willing to go first when it comes time to talk about how hard faith can be.
The women who aren't afraid of the valleys and are first to rejoice at the peaks.
You. You all are community to me.
- Excerpt by Lisa-Jo Baker from (in)courage
CLICK HERE to read the entire story and leave a comment on (in)courage.
CLICK HERE for What is Community to You?
Whoever said "Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you"
must not have gone to junior high, been a woman or spent time as a blogger.
God created us for community with Himself and others.
It's that ache we feel for friendship, for understanding, for encouragement and fellowship.
You're not alone in your desire not to be alone. We all crave friends.
We all express that need for community in a hundred different ways.
With the (in)RL DVDs & Study Booklets, you can spend time with 17 of the writers from (in)courage who get real honest, gritty, and vulnerable about the ways they've been hurt by community,
how they've fought hard to find their way back into community, how they've been healed by community,
and what suggestions they offer for finding friends right where you are.
CLICK HERE to watch (in)RL excerpts on community,
and get to know the hearts of the women behind (in)courage
We've been wondering how you're doing.
With community and friendship and going out on a limb and into the nitty gritty of connecting with your girl friends. We thought it might be time to pause and compare notes.
What does community mean to you?
Because for me - it's you. The women who share their hard stories.
The women who peel back the layers and answer the door with hair undone.
The women who are willing to go first when it comes time to talk about how hard faith can be.
The women who aren't afraid of the valleys and are first to rejoice at the peaks.
You. You all are community to me.
- Excerpt by Lisa-Jo Baker from (in)courage
CLICK HERE to read the entire story and leave a comment on (in)courage.
CLICK HERE for What is Community to You?
Eight Rules To A Good Clean Fight
Introduction: Disagreements are a part of life.
I know of no-one that I agree with all the time.
We often have disagreements at work, with our siblings, between spouses,
and even with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We might even term these as “fights.”
Fights should not be viewed as tragedies but as opportunities.
Venting personal, heart felt, frustrations through lips
which have learned how to do it properly can serve a wonderful purpose.
Why it is some people seem to always win and others lose their arguments?
Why it is some couples are always having the same argument over and over,
while others can learn and do better? It takes skill to have a “good clean fight.”
I) As Yourself, Is it really worth it?
A) People are not perfect and we can be too picky
1. Your mate will never be perfect and neither will you.
2. You married that person for a reason. They possess enough good qualities you overlooked their bad qualities.
B) Try to see the problem from their point of view, Phil. 2.3-4
1. The old saying, “Walk a mile in the shoes of your neighbor before you criticize them.”
2. Wife may always be at home with the children and want some time out of the house.
3. The husband may always be away from home working and want to stay there.
II) Do Not Argue While Angry (Usually brings the response, why would I want to argue when I am not angry)
A) Anger causes certain responses in our bodies (flush face, additional adrenalin, higher voice, etc)
1. These physical reactions usually makes it harder for us to think rationally, Proverbs 17.27; 29.20
2. We tend to get in the fight or flight mode
B) Take time to cool off
1. Go for a walk, engage in some activity, pray
2. Don’t use this as an excuse to give the silent treatment, Ephesians 4.26
3. Know when to back off and allow the other person to cool off. Don’t push too hard.
4. Rule: Only one person can be angry at a time, and the only time to yell is when the house is on fire.
Introduction: Disagreements are a part of life.
I know of no-one that I agree with all the time.
We often have disagreements at work, with our siblings, between spouses,
and even with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We might even term these as “fights.”
Fights should not be viewed as tragedies but as opportunities.
Venting personal, heart felt, frustrations through lips
which have learned how to do it properly can serve a wonderful purpose.
Why it is some people seem to always win and others lose their arguments?
Why it is some couples are always having the same argument over and over,
while others can learn and do better? It takes skill to have a “good clean fight.”
I) As Yourself, Is it really worth it?
A) People are not perfect and we can be too picky
1. Your mate will never be perfect and neither will you.
2. You married that person for a reason. They possess enough good qualities you overlooked their bad qualities.
B) Try to see the problem from their point of view, Phil. 2.3-4
1. The old saying, “Walk a mile in the shoes of your neighbor before you criticize them.”
2. Wife may always be at home with the children and want some time out of the house.
3. The husband may always be away from home working and want to stay there.
II) Do Not Argue While Angry (Usually brings the response, why would I want to argue when I am not angry)
A) Anger causes certain responses in our bodies (flush face, additional adrenalin, higher voice, etc)
1. These physical reactions usually makes it harder for us to think rationally, Proverbs 17.27; 29.20
2. We tend to get in the fight or flight mode
B) Take time to cool off
1. Go for a walk, engage in some activity, pray
2. Don’t use this as an excuse to give the silent treatment, Ephesians 4.26
3. Know when to back off and allow the other person to cool off. Don’t push too hard.
4. Rule: Only one person can be angry at a time, and the only time to yell is when the house is on fire.
III) Argue With The Right Person, Proverbs 25.9
A) Leave other people out of it
1. Don’t take your anger from the work place out on your family.
2. Don’t talk to others about your wife/husband, don’t run them down
B) Don’t be a bully and pick on the innocent
IV) Choose The Right Time And Place, Ecc. 3.1-11; Proverbs 25.8
** This can be hard because we don’t usually have a place marked on our calendar, “Time to argue.”
A) Have an agreement ahead of time when you will not argue
1. There are places inappropriate to argue just as there are times that are inappropriate
B) Wrong times and places
1. Anytime when other people are around (they don’t want to hear about your problems)
2. When time is limited (takes time to have a good argument)
3. On the way to the church building
4. When you are tired and hungry (80% of domestic fights are between 5 – 6 PM)
V) Don’t Bring Up Past Fights (Don’t dump on the other person)
A) When you forgive you must forget (hard lesson to learn) Proverbs 17.9
1. Don’t take time for a history lesson
2. Stay on the point at hand
B) It is hard enough to solve one problem at a time, don’t try all of them
VI) Argue As A Christian Would With A Fellow Christian, Proverbs 31.26, Col. 4.6
A) No name calling (thoughtless labels)
1. Usually a sign of having a weak argument
B) No throwing objects, trying to do bodily harm (most assaults are in the home)
C) No shouting, Proverbs 15.1
1 Voices tend to rise
2. Hard to hear the other person when you are yelling at them
VII) Be Prepared To Listen To the Other Side, James 1.19-20
A) There are usually three sides to every argument: my side, your side, and the truth.
VIII) Intend On Doing Good
A) Not to hurt the other person
B) To improve and help the other person
1. Stay on the subject
2. Don’t overstate the situation
a. You always…
b. You never…
3. Don’t get in the honey I’m sorry but nothing happens.
Conclusion: “Marriages are made in heaven but the maintenance contract must be on earth.”
As long as everybody is committed to obeying God’s word, any problem can be worked out.
The same goes for our relationship with God.
Kylie
awesomemarriage
A) Leave other people out of it
1. Don’t take your anger from the work place out on your family.
2. Don’t talk to others about your wife/husband, don’t run them down
B) Don’t be a bully and pick on the innocent
IV) Choose The Right Time And Place, Ecc. 3.1-11; Proverbs 25.8
** This can be hard because we don’t usually have a place marked on our calendar, “Time to argue.”
A) Have an agreement ahead of time when you will not argue
1. There are places inappropriate to argue just as there are times that are inappropriate
B) Wrong times and places
1. Anytime when other people are around (they don’t want to hear about your problems)
2. When time is limited (takes time to have a good argument)
3. On the way to the church building
4. When you are tired and hungry (80% of domestic fights are between 5 – 6 PM)
V) Don’t Bring Up Past Fights (Don’t dump on the other person)
A) When you forgive you must forget (hard lesson to learn) Proverbs 17.9
1. Don’t take time for a history lesson
2. Stay on the point at hand
B) It is hard enough to solve one problem at a time, don’t try all of them
VI) Argue As A Christian Would With A Fellow Christian, Proverbs 31.26, Col. 4.6
A) No name calling (thoughtless labels)
1. Usually a sign of having a weak argument
B) No throwing objects, trying to do bodily harm (most assaults are in the home)
C) No shouting, Proverbs 15.1
1 Voices tend to rise
2. Hard to hear the other person when you are yelling at them
VII) Be Prepared To Listen To the Other Side, James 1.19-20
A) There are usually three sides to every argument: my side, your side, and the truth.
VIII) Intend On Doing Good
A) Not to hurt the other person
B) To improve and help the other person
1. Stay on the subject
2. Don’t overstate the situation
a. You always…
b. You never…
3. Don’t get in the honey I’m sorry but nothing happens.
Conclusion: “Marriages are made in heaven but the maintenance contract must be on earth.”
As long as everybody is committed to obeying God’s word, any problem can be worked out.
The same goes for our relationship with God.
Kylie
awesomemarriage
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Abortion
Accountability Addictions Addiction in the Family Adolescent Problems Adolescent Development Adultery Anger Anxiety Anxiety and Fear Blended Family Blessing Blessing Our Children Change: Breaking Thru
Child Discipline Conflict Crazy In Love Crisis Depression Depression -Women Divorce Faith Family Tree Father’s Blessing Forgiveness Forgiveness-Joseph |
10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
“I’d die without you.” “You make me whole.” “Without you, I’d be hopelessly lost.” “You define me.” These phrases may sound charming, but this kind of “love” can actually be very destructive. In the name of “love,” it’s easy to put up with all kinds of craziness. To make excuses. To ignore reality. When we define love as dominance, we feel completely justified in smothering people with too much attention and direction. And when we define love as compliance, we feel so utterly incompetent that we’re happy to let an assertive person tell us how to live. However, such misguided devotion doesn’t truly satisfy us. It robs us of sanity, peace, joy and the true love of a healthy relationship. So how do you know? Here’s a few signs that you may be in an unhealthy, enmeshed relationship. Do you…
it’s likely that you may be stuck in enmeshed relationship. These relationships leave a legacy of heartbreak and manipulation. But that legacy can be changed if we are willing to open our eyes and take an honest look at ourselves and our relationships. Often, in the name of love, we bail out people who won’t help themselves. Each time we insist, “This is the last time!” In the name of love, we endure name-calling, the silent treatment, temper tantrums, even violence. We try to assure ourselves, “Deep down he’s a good person with a kind heart…he’ll change.” But he never really does. In the name of love, we cower in the face of an angry person’s demands and settle for whatever peace we can get. What keeps us there? A misunderstanding of love. What the world calls “love” often isn’t true love at all. If our version of love is destroying us and someone we care about, then let’s not call it love. There are lots of other names for it, but it’s not love. We may call it love, but |
enmeshment is:
If you’ve been mistaking counterfeit love for the real thing,
then you need a breakthrough—a flash of insight and a dose of courage
to take action and change the status quo.
A weak, misguided definition of love causes us to give in repeatedly,
but a stronger, more accurate view of love directs us to speak
and act wisely to address evil, manipulative behavior.
Rather than just “taking anything,” we can begin to check ourselves.
We can invite Jesus into what we’re experiencing
and gain a new approach to love and to biblical limits.
Change doesn’t happen quickly or easily,
but step by step, you can learn—and live--
authentic love, wise trust, genuine forgiveness and real freedom.
When it comes to our most cherished relationships,
we want to believe that the people we value really love us.
We want to believe that we matter to them.
That’s just part of our relational DNA.
Most of the people we’re close to—even the ones who are not loving us properly--
do care about us in some fashion,
but at the same time, they may care even more about themselves.
Or they may simply not know how to love.
Regardless of the choices others make, you can learn the secrets of loving well.
You can learn to recognize and receive real love when it comes your way--
and push back when it doesn’t.
You can learn to really love the people in your life--
and know when and how to help them without hurting yourself in the process.
True love offers a safe place to be you; it’s not driven by a desire to rescue,
over protect, control or manipulate…or a need to perform.
True love values the other person for who they are
and celebrates healthy separateness.
True love genuinely wants the best for the other person.
It is grounded in our heart’s desire to cherish,
honor and treasure another simply because of who they are.
By discovering God’s plan for love and learning to live by it,
you can open the door to freedom from entangled relationships,
find healing from your painful past,
and gain the ability to love wisely and be loved in return.
TimClinton.com/10-signs-unhealthy-relationship
- -Smothering a weak, needy person with too much attention and direction.
- -Giving in (meekly or defiantly) to the demands of a dominating person.
- -Taking responsibility for another’s choices
- instead of letting him experience the consequences of his decisions.
- -Losing your identity in someone else, being dominated by them
- and taking on that person’s emotions, values, thoughts and behaviors.
- -Switching roles with your children and expecting them to meet your emotional needs
- -Building your relationship on power instead of mutual respect.
If you’ve been mistaking counterfeit love for the real thing,
then you need a breakthrough—a flash of insight and a dose of courage
to take action and change the status quo.
A weak, misguided definition of love causes us to give in repeatedly,
but a stronger, more accurate view of love directs us to speak
and act wisely to address evil, manipulative behavior.
Rather than just “taking anything,” we can begin to check ourselves.
We can invite Jesus into what we’re experiencing
and gain a new approach to love and to biblical limits.
Change doesn’t happen quickly or easily,
but step by step, you can learn—and live--
authentic love, wise trust, genuine forgiveness and real freedom.
When it comes to our most cherished relationships,
we want to believe that the people we value really love us.
We want to believe that we matter to them.
That’s just part of our relational DNA.
Most of the people we’re close to—even the ones who are not loving us properly--
do care about us in some fashion,
but at the same time, they may care even more about themselves.
Or they may simply not know how to love.
Regardless of the choices others make, you can learn the secrets of loving well.
You can learn to recognize and receive real love when it comes your way--
and push back when it doesn’t.
You can learn to really love the people in your life--
and know when and how to help them without hurting yourself in the process.
True love offers a safe place to be you; it’s not driven by a desire to rescue,
over protect, control or manipulate…or a need to perform.
True love values the other person for who they are
and celebrates healthy separateness.
True love genuinely wants the best for the other person.
It is grounded in our heart’s desire to cherish,
honor and treasure another simply because of who they are.
By discovering God’s plan for love and learning to live by it,
you can open the door to freedom from entangled relationships,
find healing from your painful past,
and gain the ability to love wisely and be loved in return.
TimClinton.com/10-signs-unhealthy-relationship
♪ The best of Richard Clayderman -piano-utube♪
Do You Need a Relationship Break Through?
Fear. Confusion. Insecurity.
A lifetime of these patterns can rob us of the love and intimacy
God longs for us to experience in safe relationships.
And breaking through—doing relationships differently--
can often seem as elusive as a moving target.
We may stay in unhealthy relationships for a variety of reasons.
Any of these sound familiar?
Each of these statements has a common denominator:
a misunderstanding of what true love is.
But life can be different.
It is possible to break the pattern of enmeshment and break through to freedom--
to that place where we are able to give and receive true love.
Our goal is not to find some kind of relational Nirvana where there are no problems,
but to grow wise enough and strong enough
that we aren’t compelled to control others or let them control us.
To break free so that we can love with grace and truth as Jesus did.
The love Jesus offered was always open-handed and clear-eyed;
it was never manipulative or deceptive.
Jesus didn’t lie to get people to do what he wanted them to do;
he spoke the truth and offered a relationship based on trust and respect.
Then he let people make their own choices.
When they decided to follow him, he was pleased;
when they walked away he undoubtedly had tears in his eyes.
Jesus told his followers, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32).
When you discover how to live in love, the truth will set you free.
Free to enjoy true, God-honoring love built on mutual understanding and intimacy.
But first you’ll have to expose your false perceptions of love to the light.
When you do, everything in your world will be challenged to the core.
Take a few moments to see if you find yourself in any of these roles:
Are you a fixer?
Fixers feel better about themselves when they are handling someone else’s problems.
They thrive on feeling indispensible.
Breaking Free:
Fixers must learn to respect people enough to speak the truth
and let them make their own choices— even if those choices are self-defeating.
Are you a performer?
Performers are very successful, and as a result,
earn a great deal of respect and attention.
The applause may temporarily feel good, but they live in continual, crippling fear of failure.
Breaking Free:
Performers have to learn how to love, give and serve with no strings attached.
They need to ground their identity, not in how others see them,
but in the truth of who they are in Christ.
Are you an avoider?
Avoiders buy peace at the price of keeping authentic relationships at arm’s length.
They don’t let anyone get beneath the surface to see the hurt, anger and longing inside.
Breaking Free:
Avoiders have to learn to do the hardest thing they’ve ever done:
Trust one person enough to take a single step toward meaningful connection.
Are you a doormat?
Doormats have grown accustomed to an extreme helplessness.
They want others to rescue them, control them, and tell them what to do.
They gravitate toward powerful, even abusive, people.
Breaking Free:
Doormats need great courage to break out of this mind-set, define their own desires,
and find their own identity.
Are you an adrenaline junkie?
Adrenaline junkies are all about the thrill, the excitement.
Unfortunately, they’re also the first ones to take foolish risks--
all because they’re trying to fill an emptiness in their hearts.
Breaking Free:
Adrenaline junkies have to set aside their counterfeit coping mechanisms
and begin to pursue true love so that affection,
trust and genuine connection fill their hearts.
In their book Love is a Choice, Robert Hemfelt and Frank Minirth point out,
“With God’s love encompassing you,
you need no longer tie yourself in the codependent knots of an unhealthy relationship,
grasping, enmeshing, suffocating, and being suffocated.
‘The truth shall make you free,’ said Jesus in John 8:32.
Free! Free to enjoy, free to choose.
And one of those choices is love.”
The language of true love may at first be foreign to our ears,
but it satisfies the hunger of our hearts.
When we choose to first of all live in God’s love--
to root and ground our hearts in the reality of the Cross--
insecurity, doubt and fear begin to lose their hold.
Why not start today?
You can experience a breakthrough in your relationships
and live in true love,
not enmeshment.
TimClinton.com/articles
Do You Need a Relationship Break Through?
Fear. Confusion. Insecurity.
A lifetime of these patterns can rob us of the love and intimacy
God longs for us to experience in safe relationships.
And breaking through—doing relationships differently--
can often seem as elusive as a moving target.
We may stay in unhealthy relationships for a variety of reasons.
Any of these sound familiar?
- Fear of being alone—“I’d rather be with him/her than nobody at all.”
- Loss of identity/purpose—“I won’t know who I am anymore.”
- Comfort—“It’s all I’ve ever known.”
- Resistance to change—“I’m pretty set in my patterns. I was born this way.”
- Finances—“I can’t survive on my own.”
- Minimizing the problem—“Every relationship has some drama. Nobody’s perfect.”
- Desire to fix/control—“He/she can’t survive without me.”
- Living as a victim—“Since my family did this to me, they’re responsible for fixing.”
- Faulty religious beliefs—“God commands me to love and give unselfishly,
- even when I lose myself in the process.”
- Hopelessness—“It’s too late for me. I’m stuck.”
Each of these statements has a common denominator:
a misunderstanding of what true love is.
But life can be different.
It is possible to break the pattern of enmeshment and break through to freedom--
to that place where we are able to give and receive true love.
Our goal is not to find some kind of relational Nirvana where there are no problems,
but to grow wise enough and strong enough
that we aren’t compelled to control others or let them control us.
To break free so that we can love with grace and truth as Jesus did.
The love Jesus offered was always open-handed and clear-eyed;
it was never manipulative or deceptive.
Jesus didn’t lie to get people to do what he wanted them to do;
he spoke the truth and offered a relationship based on trust and respect.
Then he let people make their own choices.
When they decided to follow him, he was pleased;
when they walked away he undoubtedly had tears in his eyes.
Jesus told his followers, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32).
When you discover how to live in love, the truth will set you free.
Free to enjoy true, God-honoring love built on mutual understanding and intimacy.
But first you’ll have to expose your false perceptions of love to the light.
When you do, everything in your world will be challenged to the core.
Take a few moments to see if you find yourself in any of these roles:
Are you a fixer?
Fixers feel better about themselves when they are handling someone else’s problems.
They thrive on feeling indispensible.
Breaking Free:
Fixers must learn to respect people enough to speak the truth
and let them make their own choices— even if those choices are self-defeating.
Are you a performer?
Performers are very successful, and as a result,
earn a great deal of respect and attention.
The applause may temporarily feel good, but they live in continual, crippling fear of failure.
Breaking Free:
Performers have to learn how to love, give and serve with no strings attached.
They need to ground their identity, not in how others see them,
but in the truth of who they are in Christ.
Are you an avoider?
Avoiders buy peace at the price of keeping authentic relationships at arm’s length.
They don’t let anyone get beneath the surface to see the hurt, anger and longing inside.
Breaking Free:
Avoiders have to learn to do the hardest thing they’ve ever done:
Trust one person enough to take a single step toward meaningful connection.
Are you a doormat?
Doormats have grown accustomed to an extreme helplessness.
They want others to rescue them, control them, and tell them what to do.
They gravitate toward powerful, even abusive, people.
Breaking Free:
Doormats need great courage to break out of this mind-set, define their own desires,
and find their own identity.
Are you an adrenaline junkie?
Adrenaline junkies are all about the thrill, the excitement.
Unfortunately, they’re also the first ones to take foolish risks--
all because they’re trying to fill an emptiness in their hearts.
Breaking Free:
Adrenaline junkies have to set aside their counterfeit coping mechanisms
and begin to pursue true love so that affection,
trust and genuine connection fill their hearts.
In their book Love is a Choice, Robert Hemfelt and Frank Minirth point out,
“With God’s love encompassing you,
you need no longer tie yourself in the codependent knots of an unhealthy relationship,
grasping, enmeshing, suffocating, and being suffocated.
‘The truth shall make you free,’ said Jesus in John 8:32.
Free! Free to enjoy, free to choose.
And one of those choices is love.”
The language of true love may at first be foreign to our ears,
but it satisfies the hunger of our hearts.
When we choose to first of all live in God’s love--
to root and ground our hearts in the reality of the Cross--
insecurity, doubt and fear begin to lose their hold.
Why not start today?
You can experience a breakthrough in your relationships
and live in true love,
not enmeshment.
TimClinton.com/articles
What Respect Is
On a practical level respect includes taking someone's feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences into consideration. It means taking all of these seriously and giving them worth and value. In fact, giving someone respect seems similar to valuing them and their thoughts, feelings, etc. It also includes acknowledging them, listening to them, being truthful with them, and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies.
Respect can be shown through behavior and it can also be felt. We can act in ways which are considered respectful, yet we can also feel respect for someone and feel respected by someone. Because it is possible to act in ways that do not reflect how we really feel, the feeling of respect is more important than the behavior without the feeling. When the feeling is there, the behavior will naturally follow.
read more here
Respect - Earning respect + Respect vs Fear and Obedience
On a practical level respect includes taking someone's feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences into consideration. It means taking all of these seriously and giving them worth and value. In fact, giving someone respect seems similar to valuing them and their thoughts, feelings, etc. It also includes acknowledging them, listening to them, being truthful with them, and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies.
Respect can be shown through behavior and it can also be felt. We can act in ways which are considered respectful, yet we can also feel respect for someone and feel respected by someone. Because it is possible to act in ways that do not reflect how we really feel, the feeling of respect is more important than the behavior without the feeling. When the feeling is there, the behavior will naturally follow.
read more here
Respect - Earning respect + Respect vs Fear and Obedience
Being on the road gives you a lot of time to think - a good thing and a bad thing. I usually think about family. Again, sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing.
For as long as I can remember, I have fought hard with my parents and siblings.
I rebelled against their rules, their culture and their advice. At times I felt that some of their actions towards me were inexcusable. These contentious relationships would drive me.....click for more Entry-from-John
♥♥♥♥
I am persuaded that all of our problems are conceived and born in the
belief that something or someone other than Jesus Christ can
quench the thirst of our souls.
C. Samuel Storms
MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just,
whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report,
if there is any virtue and ...if there is anything praiseworthy-----meditate on these things.
PHILIPPIANS 4:8
What you think about in your unguarded moments reflects what your mind dwells upon.
What you speak about when your guard is down is a good gauge of what is in your heart (Matt. 12:34).
Your mind needs exercise just as your physical body does.
To keep your body healthy, you must be careful what you put into it, and you must exercise regularly.
To keep your thoughts pure, you must guard what goes into your mind. To exercise your mind, you must contemplate things that are noble and truths that stretch your mind.
Some Christians allow the world to fill their minds with ungodly thinking.
Some people seem drawn to concentrate on the negative, choosing to be pessimistic about everything.
Some remain satisfied with thinking of the mundane.
Others fail to intentionally place Scripture in their thoughts,
choosing instead to adopt human reasoning. Others, however,
choose to expose their minds to the truths of God -
to that which is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and good.
The things you allow your mind to dwell on will be revealed by the way you live.
If you focus on negative things, you will inevitably be a negative person. If you allow unholy thoughts to fill your mind, ungodliness will become common in your life. If you fill your mind with thoughts of Christ,
you will become Christ like. What you fill your mind with is a matter of choice.
Choose to concentrate on the magnificent truths of God,
and they will create in you a noble character that brings glory to God.
Blackaby Ministries
For as long as I can remember, I have fought hard with my parents and siblings.
I rebelled against their rules, their culture and their advice. At times I felt that some of their actions towards me were inexcusable. These contentious relationships would drive me.....click for more Entry-from-John
♥♥♥♥
I am persuaded that all of our problems are conceived and born in the
belief that something or someone other than Jesus Christ can
quench the thirst of our souls.
C. Samuel Storms
MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just,
whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report,
if there is any virtue and ...if there is anything praiseworthy-----meditate on these things.
PHILIPPIANS 4:8
What you think about in your unguarded moments reflects what your mind dwells upon.
What you speak about when your guard is down is a good gauge of what is in your heart (Matt. 12:34).
Your mind needs exercise just as your physical body does.
To keep your body healthy, you must be careful what you put into it, and you must exercise regularly.
To keep your thoughts pure, you must guard what goes into your mind. To exercise your mind, you must contemplate things that are noble and truths that stretch your mind.
Some Christians allow the world to fill their minds with ungodly thinking.
Some people seem drawn to concentrate on the negative, choosing to be pessimistic about everything.
Some remain satisfied with thinking of the mundane.
Others fail to intentionally place Scripture in their thoughts,
choosing instead to adopt human reasoning. Others, however,
choose to expose their minds to the truths of God -
to that which is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and good.
The things you allow your mind to dwell on will be revealed by the way you live.
If you focus on negative things, you will inevitably be a negative person. If you allow unholy thoughts to fill your mind, ungodliness will become common in your life. If you fill your mind with thoughts of Christ,
you will become Christ like. What you fill your mind with is a matter of choice.
Choose to concentrate on the magnificent truths of God,
and they will create in you a noble character that brings glory to God.
Blackaby Ministries
